Sisterhood – What’s going on?

 Am I My Sister’s Keeper

Sisterhood – What’s going on? (April 2012)

Ok I had my first book signing for my book “The Forgotten A Love Story”.  The gist of the story was these 5 African American women who appeared to be friends.  Each had there own issues but the backstabbing and hateful nature toward one another. The topic of discussion at the book signing was what happened to the sisterhood?  The hatred, the backstabbing, tearing down of one another has been in my opinion getting worse and we as a community of sisters needs to address the issue.

 I have been a victim of an African American woman’s vengeance at my current place of employment.  In her opinion I was negative, unfriendly and incompetent.  I couldn’t ask a question without her turning her head in disgust.  Every word I said she twisted and made it seem that I was just being negative.  Not only did she try to tear me down, berate me, and make me feel as if I didn’t know my job she use her power to tear me down in performance appraisals and with other managers.

I got angry.  I couldn’t possibly let her get away with this.  I went to HR.  HR did nothing to stop this woman.  I finally requested to be removed from her unit because it was exhausting.  To make matter worse she still had to complete my performance appraisal even though I wasn’t in her unit for 3 months out of the 6 months remaining in the year.  You guessed it, because I addressed the issue of her negative attitude and hostile working environment she rated me very low.  I ask how can you go from advanced or proficient 6 months prior to developing 6 months later.  I screamed retaliation and made a big stink about it.

After reading chapter 11 titled “I Am My Sister’s Keeper: Why We Need One Another Now More than Ever” from the book Black Woman Redefined: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama by Sophia A. Nelson, I’m not so sure I handled the situation properly. Yes my manager was wrong for disliking me for no other apparent reason but because she felt I was a threat to her leadership.  But could I have reassured her that her leadership was sound and that I appreciated her as a leader?

The chapter points out how we will give brother’s, white men, white women a pass but we would go off on a sister in a minute.  Why is that?  Have we come so far from the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s that we are not our sister’s keeper any more?  The chapter also talks about how angry we sister’s are.  I was a little perturbed by this because after all don’t we have the right to be angry over the situations and issues we have to face as a black woman? But I had to stop and really think about it.  Yes I am angry with the issues we have to face but do I really have to take it out on my sister?  Shouldn’t I uplift and encourage her because I know first hand what she is going through?

It’s hard to turn the other cheek even when a sister is tearing me down but I am making a conscious effort to hold my fellow sister in high esteem, to help my sister advance in her career, and to present her in a positive light.

Two Books you need to read about the subject Black Woman Redefined: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama by Sophia A. Nelson and my book The Forgotten a Love Story by Janice Brantle. The books will give you a good perspective on what not to do and how we can help each other prosper as African American women.

Your thoughts on the subject are greatly appreciated. Please leave your comments on the subject:

1.     How do African American women strengthen our relationships with each other?

2.     Have we discarded the sister code of the past?

3.     How can we put the anger behind us and work towards elevating each other?