Childless Mothers

Am I my Sister’s Keeper? – The Blog

Childless Mothers (May, 2012)

May is known for Mother’s Day and Cinco De Mayo but that’s another blog! J People all over the country celebrate their mother’s for what they’ve done for them, all of the sacrifices they made for them, the getting up early, carpooling, giving of advice, and giving a swift kick in the butt if necessary.  But have you ever given much thought about the childless mothers?  They are the women who don’t have children but desperately want them.  They are the women who silently long to give birth and hold a child close to their bosom.  They are the ones you call Auntie and spread unconditional love to your children even when they’re bad. They are the ones who endure such comments as “Oh I see you don’t want children, you’re concentrating on your career” or “You’re too self absorbed to have children.”

This past weekend I went to the movies and saw “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and the character played by Jennifer Lopez wasn’t able to physically give birth to her own child.  She desperately wanted a baby so she ended up adopting a child from Ethiopia.  There was a scene in the movie where she was having an argument with her husband and she said something like she can’t do anything right even the one thing that a woman is supposed to do, give birth to a child. (Now don’t quote me.  I’m paraphrasing!!) Think about that for a moment and let that sink in.  Women are supposed to be able to give birth and bring children into this world. For those of us who can’t or haven’t for whatever reason been able to have children it’s a sobering fact. (Yes I did mean to say “those of us” as I include myself in this category)  You find yourself questioning your womanhood and feel grossly inadequate.

Sophia A. Nelson in her book Black Women Redefined – Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama said, “Facing the fact that I am now entering my mid-forties and may not bear my own children has been the most difficult experience in my life.  The hardest part of this journey as a single woman is that as you come to grips with this challenge, you must deal with the loss alone”. Yes this is a deep hurting loss.  It is like a slow death.  Most every girl in America played house where there was a mommy, a daddy and a baby. We dream of becoming a mother at early ages, some may say we are conditioned to want to bear children. 

So what do you do when you can’t do what God intended you to do? How do you handle the excruciating pain of not being able to fulfill what is considered being a woman.  Who do you turn to?  Women who have children will always respond with “Girl having kids ain’t all what it’s cracked up to be”.  I have a confession:  On Mother’s Day, I can’t bring myself to attend church.  I can’t stomach the question “Are you a Mother?” and when I say no the looks of surprise or as if I’m from some alien planet. This is a real issue and these childless mothers need your support.  Sophia A. Nelson talks about redefining motherhood and admonish communities to support and embrace those that cannot have children. 

So next year on Mother’s day how about we all celebrate sisterhood and embrace those single childless mothers because I guarantee you she’s supported you and your children continuously in countless ways.

Whew heavy topic so no questions this time.  Just please chime in with your thoughts on the subject.