Happy Valentines Day – Celibacy The New thing in the Millennium

Am I my Sister’s Keeper? – The Blog

Happy Valentines Day – Celibacy The New thing in the Millennium

                  I had the privilege of having an intimate conversation with Chocolate Cocktails and Conversation and the subject was “Celibacy”? The conversation turned interesting.  When you think of celibacy what would be your definition?  Is it like mine- No sex meaning no penetration, no oral, and no anal? But I come to find out that celibacy is defined differently depending on who is doing the defining. There is celibacy by circumstance, there is celibacy up to the point of no penetration, and there’s no sex including penetration, oral or anal.

                  It was an eye opening experience for me. One of the questions asked was why are you celibate? According to the moderator men are celibate because of safety (too risky to trust a condom), avoid pregnancy (they fear they are not prepared for children), value (feel that sex happens so often that it is devalued), hooks (uses sex as compensation for not providing an emotional connection), and spirituality (get closer to god).  For women, their reasons were unclear or women were unsure why they were celibate.  So why would you become celibate, to get closer to God?  I heard that so many times that night but is that what you are really doing or is this some fad like one of my male friends suggested?  I was told that men say they are celibate to hook women and women use it to entice men.  If this is the case are you really celibate or are you just playing games?

                  Are we grown ups playing games with sex and sexuality?  I find that in this day and time that if you as an African American woman, say you like sex, you are looked at as if you have 6 heads or something.  When did sex become so dirty in the African American community? Sex is a natural course of being human and should be shared without condemnation between a man and a woman.  I believe the very things that make people want to become celibate i.e. wanting to get closer to God or become spiritual makes them become more judgmental of others and possibly a little hypocritical because, seriously, can you really be celibate if you’ve had sex already in the past? I think a better term for this is abstaining and you are practicing abstinence.  Either way, I believe healthy conversations about sex will help eliminate misconceptions and allow our children to become more comfortable coming to us to discuss this matter.  The best advice that came from this conversation about celibacy was the call for people to be real and talk candidly about celibacy and sex so we all can gain a better understanding. Please join in the conversation and answer the three questions:

1.     What are your thoughts on celibacy?

2.     Is celibacy a link to get closer to God?

3.     Are you celibate and why?

                  Chocolate Cocktails & Conversations is brought to you by three lovely ladies: Mateika Martin, Tanisha Augustus and Rhonda Curry.  You can reach them at ChocolateCockailsAndConvo@gmail.com or 404-832-0195 for more information on their up and coming conversations.