Am I My Sister’s Keeper November, 2012 What’s going on…Black Female and Black Male Relationship

Am I My Sister’s Keeper

November, 2012

What’s going on…

Conversation Series-State of the Back Community

Black Female and Black Male Relationship

                  Ok so I am giving you two blogs in one.  I know.  I have been so blessfully busy that I am excited! I am excited about my writing career, the people that I am connecting with, and just being able to share tidbits of information with all of you.  So as I stated in my earlier blog (that I just posted moments before this one J )I’m starting a conversation series on “The State of the Black Community” all a brainchild stemming from my latest book The Forgotten A Love Story and the book signing. It is a candid conversation about relationships, love, community and such! The first session is set for this November 10, 2012.  More information to come at the end of this blog.

                  Anyway I asked my self what is love?  How do you know what love is?  Can you recognize it when you see it or feel it?  You ask do I just randomly sit around the house and think of these things.  Heck no!  I had an outside stimulus.  I know what you’re thinking and no it wasn’t a man this time! However indirectly I guess it was.  I was reading the book “Loving Donovan” by Bernice L. McFadden.  I read the following passage:

“Three years had come and gone, and since then Campbell had married a wonderful man from Kentucky, given birth to a son, moved to another part of the state, taken up pottery and yoga, leased a Mercedes, and purchased a beach house in Anguilla; her daughter, Macon, had made her a grandmother, and even with all of those life changes, her heart remained the same.  Her heart remained with him.

She wished she could say that she thought of Donovan only when she heard Etta James belt out “At Last,” or in the dead of the night, midsummer, when it rained or snowed, or when the sun shone so brightly, it made the day too beautiful to behold.

                  He had been beautiful.

                  She wished she could say that her mind reached back to those times only when life was unbalanced and sad, but that would be an outright lie because she thought about that man even when she was happy and wrapped tight in her husband’s arms.”

After reading that I said damn now that’s love.  But I got to thinking about it, is it really?  Is it just infatuation?  I started questioning myself wondering if I knew what love is.  I thought love was that ooey gooey feeling you feel when you look at the one you love.  I thought love was the “I just can’t wait to talk to my love” feeling.  I thought love was he really loves me if he bothers to chastise me about the things I do because he doesn’t like them.  I thought it was love when he cheats on me and then always comes back to me because I was the person he preferred and loved so much.

So ladies and gentlemen what is love?

Please leave your comments or you can hit me up on my website a www.janicebrantle.com

If you want to join the conversation and express yourself on what is love and other topics plaguing relationships please join me at Java Monkey – Downtown Decatur (425 Church St. Decatur, GA 30030) November 10, 2012 6 pm.  See you there!!

Am I My Sister’s Keeper (October, 2012) Black Female and Black Male Relationship

Am I My Sister’s Keeper

October, 2012

What’s going on…

Conversation Series-State of the Back Community

Black Female and Black Male Relationship

Ok I’m starting a conversation series on “The State of the Black Community” all a brainchild stemming from my latest book The Forgotten A Love Story and the book signing.  We had a candid conversation about what’s going on with black relationships meaning male and female relationships.  My co-host and I felt that the issues go deeper than black male and black female relationships but felt that was a great starting point.  So I will be blogging along with the series and I invite everyone who reads this blog and live in the Atlanta area to join us on November 10^th.  Contact me at jlbrantle@yahoo.com, www.janicebrantle.com or 404-932-3424 for more information.

I want to start out this blog with a question are there really 10 women to 1 man in Atlanta.  I am a beautiful, intelligent, gifted Black woman and single. To make matters worse I have several beautiful, intelligent, gifted friends who are single.  Why is this?  I heard theories that because there are so many women to one man in Atlanta men don’t have to be with just one woman and don’t feel the need to commit. Or that we as Black women have very high standards and we are missing out on the good guy who just got out of prison! All the men in Atlanta are gay.  Or this is a good one, successful Black men don’t want a chocolate sister around because having a white woman on his arms means success and status.

So tell me what are we sisters suppose to do?  Sharing a man is out?  Dating a serial criminal is out? And dating a gay man is most certainly out (woman are just not their cup of tea)?

Any suggestions, please leave a comment, or visit my website a www.janicebrantle.com

Are You Ready For Some Football!

 Ladies Pigskin Sundays

Are you ready for some football! Ladies and Gents, there’s an awesome program called Ladies Pigskin Sundays created by LaTonya P. Story, CEO and owner of LPS Consulting PR.  I had the privilege of being part of this movement last football season and attending my very first NFL game!  Ms. Story an 11 year Sports & Entertainment Publicist representing pro athletes and celebrities, LaTonya saw the gap between female sports fans and the lack of sporting events marketed specifically to them. According to Ms. Story, women were whole heartily into football, watching and participating but still wanted to learn more about the sport.  Ms. Story wanted to provide an atmosphere to afford women a chance to come together, enjoy the sport, learn about football while networking with each other.  “We empower women and inspire women through teamwork!” LaTonya Story.

LaTonya began hosting weekly Ladies Pigskin Sundays^TM viewing events in Atlanta in 2011 centering on Sunday NFL games for women to come together and watch football games and meet new friends. Their motto: Women love football too!

Ms. Story states “our most important goal we want to achieve is that everyone who walks away knows that THEY matter (their business and their presence)”.  In addition to watching the games,  ladies receive gift bags, win prizes, and enjoy affordable signature cocktails and menu specials all while meeting new people who share their love of football.

Ladies Pigskin Sundays kicks off for the 2012 NFL Season on Wednesday, September 5 at 8p for the season opener. The event continues every Sunday at 1pm beginning Sunday, September 9th. For more information about the Ladies Pigskin Sundays event or to become a sponsor visit: http://www.ladiespigskinsundays.com/ or email: LaTonya@Lpsconsultingpr.com

Story by

Janice Brantle

Poetry in Motion

Author & Writing Consultant

www.janicebrantle.com

Childless Mothers

Am I my Sister’s Keeper? – The Blog

Childless Mothers (May, 2012)

May is known for Mother’s Day and Cinco De Mayo but that’s another blog! J People all over the country celebrate their mother’s for what they’ve done for them, all of the sacrifices they made for them, the getting up early, carpooling, giving of advice, and giving a swift kick in the butt if necessary.  But have you ever given much thought about the childless mothers?  They are the women who don’t have children but desperately want them.  They are the women who silently long to give birth and hold a child close to their bosom.  They are the ones you call Auntie and spread unconditional love to your children even when they’re bad. They are the ones who endure such comments as “Oh I see you don’t want children, you’re concentrating on your career” or “You’re too self absorbed to have children.”

This past weekend I went to the movies and saw “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and the character played by Jennifer Lopez wasn’t able to physically give birth to her own child.  She desperately wanted a baby so she ended up adopting a child from Ethiopia.  There was a scene in the movie where she was having an argument with her husband and she said something like she can’t do anything right even the one thing that a woman is supposed to do, give birth to a child. (Now don’t quote me.  I’m paraphrasing!!) Think about that for a moment and let that sink in.  Women are supposed to be able to give birth and bring children into this world. For those of us who can’t or haven’t for whatever reason been able to have children it’s a sobering fact. (Yes I did mean to say “those of us” as I include myself in this category)  You find yourself questioning your womanhood and feel grossly inadequate.

Sophia A. Nelson in her book Black Women Redefined – Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama said, “Facing the fact that I am now entering my mid-forties and may not bear my own children has been the most difficult experience in my life.  The hardest part of this journey as a single woman is that as you come to grips with this challenge, you must deal with the loss alone”. Yes this is a deep hurting loss.  It is like a slow death.  Most every girl in America played house where there was a mommy, a daddy and a baby. We dream of becoming a mother at early ages, some may say we are conditioned to want to bear children. 

So what do you do when you can’t do what God intended you to do? How do you handle the excruciating pain of not being able to fulfill what is considered being a woman.  Who do you turn to?  Women who have children will always respond with “Girl having kids ain’t all what it’s cracked up to be”.  I have a confession:  On Mother’s Day, I can’t bring myself to attend church.  I can’t stomach the question “Are you a Mother?” and when I say no the looks of surprise or as if I’m from some alien planet. This is a real issue and these childless mothers need your support.  Sophia A. Nelson talks about redefining motherhood and admonish communities to support and embrace those that cannot have children. 

So next year on Mother’s day how about we all celebrate sisterhood and embrace those single childless mothers because I guarantee you she’s supported you and your children continuously in countless ways.

Whew heavy topic so no questions this time.  Just please chime in with your thoughts on the subject.

Sisterhood – What’s going on?

 Am I My Sister’s Keeper

Sisterhood – What’s going on? (April 2012)

Ok I had my first book signing for my book “The Forgotten A Love Story”.  The gist of the story was these 5 African American women who appeared to be friends.  Each had there own issues but the backstabbing and hateful nature toward one another. The topic of discussion at the book signing was what happened to the sisterhood?  The hatred, the backstabbing, tearing down of one another has been in my opinion getting worse and we as a community of sisters needs to address the issue.

 I have been a victim of an African American woman’s vengeance at my current place of employment.  In her opinion I was negative, unfriendly and incompetent.  I couldn’t ask a question without her turning her head in disgust.  Every word I said she twisted and made it seem that I was just being negative.  Not only did she try to tear me down, berate me, and make me feel as if I didn’t know my job she use her power to tear me down in performance appraisals and with other managers.

I got angry.  I couldn’t possibly let her get away with this.  I went to HR.  HR did nothing to stop this woman.  I finally requested to be removed from her unit because it was exhausting.  To make matter worse she still had to complete my performance appraisal even though I wasn’t in her unit for 3 months out of the 6 months remaining in the year.  You guessed it, because I addressed the issue of her negative attitude and hostile working environment she rated me very low.  I ask how can you go from advanced or proficient 6 months prior to developing 6 months later.  I screamed retaliation and made a big stink about it.

After reading chapter 11 titled “I Am My Sister’s Keeper: Why We Need One Another Now More than Ever” from the book Black Woman Redefined: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama by Sophia A. Nelson, I’m not so sure I handled the situation properly. Yes my manager was wrong for disliking me for no other apparent reason but because she felt I was a threat to her leadership.  But could I have reassured her that her leadership was sound and that I appreciated her as a leader?

The chapter points out how we will give brother’s, white men, white women a pass but we would go off on a sister in a minute.  Why is that?  Have we come so far from the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s that we are not our sister’s keeper any more?  The chapter also talks about how angry we sister’s are.  I was a little perturbed by this because after all don’t we have the right to be angry over the situations and issues we have to face as a black woman? But I had to stop and really think about it.  Yes I am angry with the issues we have to face but do I really have to take it out on my sister?  Shouldn’t I uplift and encourage her because I know first hand what she is going through?

It’s hard to turn the other cheek even when a sister is tearing me down but I am making a conscious effort to hold my fellow sister in high esteem, to help my sister advance in her career, and to present her in a positive light.

Two Books you need to read about the subject Black Woman Redefined: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama by Sophia A. Nelson and my book The Forgotten a Love Story by Janice Brantle. The books will give you a good perspective on what not to do and how we can help each other prosper as African American women.

Your thoughts on the subject are greatly appreciated. Please leave your comments on the subject:

1.     How do African American women strengthen our relationships with each other?

2.     Have we discarded the sister code of the past?

3.     How can we put the anger behind us and work towards elevating each other?

Relationships, Relationships, Relationships

Am I my Sister’s Keeper? – The Blog

Relationships, Relationships, Relationships (March, 2012)

                  A male friend and I were talking about the plight of African American male and female relationships. We commented on the fact that we’ve noticed an increase of white and African American relationships both African American men with white women and African American women with white men. So I asked myself are we finally becoming a colorless society that doesn’t see color or are we just plain fed up with each other; meaning African American men are fed up with African American women and African American women fed up with African American men?

                  In light of the Trayvon Martin case I would say racism is still alive in America.  So the question comes back to African American male/female relationships.  So I turn to my friend and ask “why do some African American men prefer white women?  What would you say are the top 5 reasons?  (Not that he’s an expert on the subject or anything but it’s good to get a base street version of what African American men really think).  His top five reasons are as follows:

No. 5. African American women are out of shape/they don’t exercise

No. 4. African American women are angry

No. 3. African American women have attitudes

No. 2. African American women are gold diggers

No. 1. African American women are not submissive

                  Wow.  I said.  I didn’t know that African American men thought so little of their women.  And then I got a little heated.  I replied that I know plenty of sisters holding it down for themselves and their man and yes there may be a gold digger or two out there but from what I’ve seen white women have PHD’s in gold digging.  Hence, they are the ones married to our most successful, well-paid men.  I’m just saying…  I have witnessed countless African American women struggling to raise kids alone, take care of the household, work two jobs; so tell me when do they have time to work out? And angry with attitude? Wouldn’t you be angry and have an attitude if the very men you birthed into this world only thinks of you as a fried chicken eating, lazy, gold digging bitch or a ho?

                  Come on Black people, we have to do better.  What happened to the Black pride from the 60’s and 70’s? Brother’s let me let you in on a little secrete, there is nothing like the love of an African American women but the key is you have to get a real woman and treat that real woman right. If you do that, she will hold you down forever!

                  My new novel “The Forgotten, A Love Story” discusses issues with African American women and men as well as how we as African American women treat each other.  Pick up a copy at www.janicebrantle.com.  It will blow your mind.

                  Also please chime in on the blog topic this month:

1. Ladies what are your top 5 reasons for dating outside your race?
2. Fellas what are your top 5 reasons for dating outside of your race?
3. How can we improve African American male/female relationships?

Happy Valentines Day – Celibacy The New thing in the Millennium

Am I my Sister’s Keeper? – The Blog

Happy Valentines Day – Celibacy The New thing in the Millennium

                  I had the privilege of having an intimate conversation with Chocolate Cocktails and Conversation and the subject was “Celibacy”? The conversation turned interesting.  When you think of celibacy what would be your definition?  Is it like mine- No sex meaning no penetration, no oral, and no anal? But I come to find out that celibacy is defined differently depending on who is doing the defining. There is celibacy by circumstance, there is celibacy up to the point of no penetration, and there’s no sex including penetration, oral or anal.

                  It was an eye opening experience for me. One of the questions asked was why are you celibate? According to the moderator men are celibate because of safety (too risky to trust a condom), avoid pregnancy (they fear they are not prepared for children), value (feel that sex happens so often that it is devalued), hooks (uses sex as compensation for not providing an emotional connection), and spirituality (get closer to god).  For women, their reasons were unclear or women were unsure why they were celibate.  So why would you become celibate, to get closer to God?  I heard that so many times that night but is that what you are really doing or is this some fad like one of my male friends suggested?  I was told that men say they are celibate to hook women and women use it to entice men.  If this is the case are you really celibate or are you just playing games?

                  Are we grown ups playing games with sex and sexuality?  I find that in this day and time that if you as an African American woman, say you like sex, you are looked at as if you have 6 heads or something.  When did sex become so dirty in the African American community? Sex is a natural course of being human and should be shared without condemnation between a man and a woman.  I believe the very things that make people want to become celibate i.e. wanting to get closer to God or become spiritual makes them become more judgmental of others and possibly a little hypocritical because, seriously, can you really be celibate if you’ve had sex already in the past? I think a better term for this is abstaining and you are practicing abstinence.  Either way, I believe healthy conversations about sex will help eliminate misconceptions and allow our children to become more comfortable coming to us to discuss this matter.  The best advice that came from this conversation about celibacy was the call for people to be real and talk candidly about celibacy and sex so we all can gain a better understanding. Please join in the conversation and answer the three questions:

1.     What are your thoughts on celibacy?

2.     Is celibacy a link to get closer to God?

3.     Are you celibate and why?

                  Chocolate Cocktails & Conversations is brought to you by three lovely ladies: Mateika Martin, Tanisha Augustus and Rhonda Curry.  You can reach them at ChocolateCockailsAndConvo@gmail.com or 404-832-0195 for more information on their up and coming conversations.

New Year New Journey

Am I My Sister’s Keeper

New Year New Journey

How many of you started out this new year, 2012 with this year I’m going to loose weight, I’m going to save money, or I’m going to take care of myself.  Well this year is going to be a magical year. I challenge you to dare to do something different.  I started out my year wanting to get closer to myself.  I want to know who I am and what I really and truly stand for.  I am calling this year my Journey to Happy.  Have you ever wondered what really makes you happy or what it takes to be happy? Do you know what happiness is?

We all scurry around this world faking happiness. We pretend that all is well wearing these ridiculous masks of all smiles knowing deep down inside we are hurting.  The sad thing, however, is we keep these masks on.  We never take them off to deal with our issues.  We let our issues fester inside, eating at us eroding our souls.  I ask you, can letting your issues fester make you happy?

Webster defines happiness as a state of well-being and content or a pleasurable or satisfying experience. When was the last time you had a pleasurable or satisfying experience? Are you working a job that is enjoyable and satisfying? Are you pursuing your passions?  Are you in a pleasurable and satisfying relationship filled with love? Do you love yourself?  If the answer to the last question is a resounding yes, then you deserve pleasurable relationships, jobs and lives.

This is what I know so far, I cannot be happy if I do not know who I am and what I stand for.  I cannot be happy if I continue in unfulfilling relationships.  I cannot be happy if I am not pursuing my true passions and working a dreaded nine to five.  I cannot be happy if I’m chasing some elusive dream of fictionalized love.

This year is about pursing passions; chasing the dreams God gave me, and utilizing the talents that I have been gifted with.  What I know so far is that I am the only one that can make me happy and to be happy is to know thy self.  My journey to happy is going to take some work and I am up for the challenge.  It is time to be free to love me, please me, be a little selfish and indulge me.  I’m worth it.  Are you?