Am I My Sister’s
Keeper
Journey to your
Authentic Self
April 14, 2013
I am often asked how do you
make decisions about your life and then go for it. I am often told that I am out going and
daring, not afraid to take a risk such as pack up and move to a city where I
know no one. The truth is I am like the
rest of you. I am afraid that I am not
following the right path. I am afraid
that I am not following God’s plan for my life.
I question everything. But I believe this behavior was the start of my
journey. So I thought that this year I would
get to my authentic self. I want to dive into me and see what makes me
tick. I want to find out what my true
gifts are and what God has for me. I
want to take you all on this journey with me. I can promise that this journey will be painful as I will be totally transparent and real. I think that to get to your true self you have to be true to yourself. People it is time to get real. Take this journey with me and see how you can be your best authentic self. And as your best authentic self, you will be happier, more motivated, and determined to love and cherish you! Trust me the rewards will be worth it.
To start I am going to tell you about me so here goes:
I’m 45 or I will be on May 5th (I accept all gifts! J) and ever since I was 5 or 6 years old I wanted to be a wife and mother. I know very big lofty dream right?!! But that’s what I wanted. I’ve dreamt of it for 40 years!!! Now that’s a long time. This year I found out that I would never be able to give birth to a child and so far I have been divorced for 13 years, no prospects in site. Yes I know sad. But I choose not to look at it that way. I choose to look at this as a sign to find out exactly why I was put on this earth.
When I first found out the wonderful news. I cried. Well more like boo hoo’d uncontrollably. I asked God why did you put a desire in me so strong to have children and then take the possibility of getting pregnant away? To be honest I still don’t know why. God’s ways are not our ways. But what I do know is that he has a perfect plan for me. So instead of asking God why he did this, I surrendered. I asked God what are your plans for me?
This is where you need to start. Stop what you are doing. Get still. Take a deep breath and surrender to the earth, to the spirits, and to the Holy Ghost. Ask what your purpose is. The key is to listen. It will not come in a roaring loud voice. It will be a small knowing, a small sign. For me, when I know God heard me, on my daily walks I see a red bird (cardinal). That is my sign that I am on the right track. So my next step is to get through my surgery this week. I will then figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Where will my identity come from now? Will I still have the desire and drive to become a wife and mother even though I cannot physically have children?
If you are courageous enough, share with me your story so we can take this journey together!
2 comments:
I'm going through the same thing, soul searching, questioning myself. Approaching mid 40's will do that to you. This book I'm reading, "The Wealth Choice" by Dennis Kimbro has me really pondering my life direction and have I wasted so much time and potential. It's not so much about my lack of financial prosperity but am I in line with what I'm supposed to be doing.
I commend your bravery to open up to others on your blog. Like most men, I find that difficult to do but, as you pointed out, it's necessary for growth.
Thanks so much for being open. It is definitely hard to open up and take a critical look at yourself. But I have to commend you on taking the first step which is to just start. Keep soul searching, keep questioning and you will find that you are on the right track to find the authentic you! Thanks for your comment!
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