I want to explore a few of the issues brought out in the movie “For Colored Girls” and some of the issues addressed in my next novel “The Forgotten – A Love Story”. The first issue I would like to explore is that of rape, in particular date rape. Anika Noni Rose’s character played a dance instructor who met a nice man and after a week or so of walking, talking and getting to know him finally went out on a date with him. They had a fantastic date. One in which he dazzled her with conversation, attentiveness and respect. He made her feel comfortable by empathizing with her as she spoke of past hurts. He made her feel she could trust him. She invited him home. She was dating him. She wanted to get to know him better. He then raped her telling her that she wanted it; why else would she invite him over. Sound familiar?
Some comments I heard about that entire situation was she asked for it because she was too open. She was too free with herself and too quick to totally open up to him. Is that a reason she deserved to be raped? The character then became fearful and sullen. She wasn’t her normal carefree, loving hopeful self.
I am very familiar with that concept. In my book “From the Brink of Insanity Comes the Light, it explores rape and how it effects a woman’s self esteem. It makes women question themselves examining if she did something wrong. The end result is she becomes a shell of her former self. Those that know me know this book was semi-autobiographical and the subject of rape came up several times. The following is an excerpt from Jasmine, a character in my book “From the Brink of Insanity Comes the Light”:
I hate weekends. It reminds me of how lonely I really am. I was so excited when I got married. I thought there would be endless weekends spent together. I thought we would explore new territories together. I was robbed of that experience with Samuel. I thought that I would get the chance to have a real relationship with Percy. I was naive.
I was letting my mind run wild with ideas of Percy and his family enjoying the weekend and having fun while I was sitting alone in a three-bed room home with no one to share it with.
“Damn Monday morning. I don’t want to go to work.” I said to myself as I lay in my bed staring at my alarm clock knowing that it will go off in an hour. “Is that my door? Damn I didn’t get my key back from Percy when he came in here last month to re-do my closets.” I listened to him come up the stairs. I heard him call my name. I didn’t answer. I was hoping he would just go away. He walked into my bedroom.
“Are you alright?” He asked me. “I called you all weekend to make sure you were ok and you didn’t return any of my calls.” I responded by putting my covers over my head.
“Hey talk to me.” He whined.
“About what?” I said.
“Your feelings, about what you’re thinking?” He replied.
“Obviously they don’t matter. Leave my key and go.”
“Look my family is important to me.”
“Then what are you doing here? Go, be with them and leave me alone.”
“Your attitude is starting to get on my nerves.” He said as he jumps on top of me in the bed. “Hmm this is a good position to have you in. Let’s have a quickie.”
“Get off of me.” I yelled. “Get the fuck off of me. This is not funny.”
He got this funny look on his face. It was sort of twisted and sinister. He wouldn’t get off of me. I tried to raise my hand to move him off of me. He then pinned my arms above my head with one hand and unzipped his pants with the other.
“Let go of me I yelled. I don’t want you. I don’t want to have sex with you. Get off of me.”
“Come on you know you want it. You know you want me. Just a quickie to say good-bye. We didn’t get to say good bye properly.” At that point he forced himself inside of me. It hurt. I was dry. He tried to kiss me. I turned my head. I kept saying, "Get off of me!" He wouldn’t stop. My alarm clock went off.
“Are you going to let me turn that off so we can continue?” He asked me.
“Get off of me.” I hissed. He continued to rape me. He didn’t get up until he came. He went to take a shower like he did nothing wrong. I grabbed my robe went downstairs, curled up on my couch and cried. I called my job and told them I wasn’t coming in today. Percy over heard me call in.
“What, you’re not going to work today? Why?” He asked.
“You know what you did.” I said.
“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do.”
“I said no. You raped me.” He sat there and looked at me. The realization of the situation settled in and you could tell he was wrestling with it trying to make sense of it. He knew what he did but I could tell he really didn’t comprehend the magnitude of his actions.
“I did not.” He said somewhat dejected. He got up to leave. I curled up into the fetal position and cried.
The next few days were a blur for me. I walked around in a daze trying to forget what happened. In fact I pushed it totally out of my mind. I told myself that I was mistaken, that I really wasn’t raped, and that I wanted it.
Date rape is the common term for non-consensual sexual (vaginal, anal, oral) intercourse that is forced (by way of physical force or psychological coercion) on a person by someone that they know. Date rape is a criminal act that is perpetrated by a social acquaintance, a friend, or a dating or intimate partner of the victim. Date rape is a complex and difficult area of criminal law, given the nature of the relationship between the victim and the defendant.
Statistics:
· 1 in 6 women are raped
· 1 in 33 men are raped
· College women are 4 times more likely to be raped
· 2007 there were 248,300 victims of sexual assault
· Every 2 minutes someone in the United States is sexually assaulted
· 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police
· 73% of rape victims know their assailants
· 26% of rapist are convicted
· More than 50% of reported sexual assaults/rape was reported to have occurred within a mile of their home or at their home
(US Department of Justice National Victimization Study- US Department of Justice Bureau of Statistics)
Sobering, isn’t it. The sad thing about this is only 26% of rapist are convicted. Rape is a hard thing to deal with especially if you know the person. I can personally say that I know three people who were rapped and never reported the crime. Why is that? Are we as women afraid that we will be accused of asking for it? Are we afraid that no one will believe us especially if it’s your boyfriend or someone we knew? How do we as women get past this and start opening our mouths to report rape?
Rape is a very important subject to explore. Rape demoralizes women and renders them powerless. It’s a man’s way of showing dominance and power over them. I feel the more we share openly about this subject the more power we take back. Maybe by speaking out about rape, more women would come forward and feel more comfortable reporting their rapes causing more perpetrators to be prosecuted.
Your thoughts:
1. How many women do you personally know that have been raped?
2. What do you think we should do to fight rape?
3. What would you tell your girlfriend if she just confided in you her boyfriend/acquaintance has just raped her?
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