Masks

Am I My Sister’s Keeper

Journey to your Authentic Self

Masks

April 27, 2013

I’ve come through my surgery like a champ.  I had my brave face on.  That’s just what it was a front a face, a mask.  Let’s talk about masks for a second.  For me, mine is a superman mask or superwoman. All my friends and family believe that I can jump tall buildings in a single bound while bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan.  Truth is I can’t.  All my life I have heard that I am strong, that I can handle anything that comes my way.  The truth is I hide my anxiety well. 

Although surgery went well, I am afraid.  I identified myself one way, now I have to recreate myself in a new way.  I am the same me but different. It is something to be said when you have a piece of you that you’ve had for 40 plus years cut out of you. Do I continue to put on my superwoman mask and say all is well when I’m asked how I’m doing or do I tell the truth?  You guessed it.  I tell the truth.  The only way to get through this and to truly come into my authentic self is to tell the truth.  The truth is I am scared.  I am tired of recreating myself.  I am tired of trying to do all of this alone.  (A deep breath here)  

People this is hard.  For anyone who has gone through a trauma or a life-changing event it can be very hard to recover.  But know one thing.  You Can Do It!  Surround yourself with positive people.  Look to those who are older, wiser, or have gone through what you have gone through for help. Know that you are not alone.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Being true to self is knowing when you are in over your head and need help.  Being strong means to reach out to others and then give back when others are in need.

I believe in you like I believe in me!

As always this is a live blog so feel free to express yourself and add your own personal truth.
Thanks for reading!

Journey to your Authentic Self - Part I

Am I My Sister’s Keeper

Journey to your Authentic Self

April 14, 2013

                  I am often asked how do you make decisions about your life and then go for it.  I am often told that I am out going and daring, not afraid to take a risk such as pack up and move to a city where I know no one.  The truth is I am like the rest of you.  I am afraid that I am not following the right path.  I am afraid that I am not following God’s plan for my life.  I question everything. But I believe this behavior was the start of my journey.  So I thought that this year I would get to my authentic self. I want to dive into me and see what makes me tick.  I want to find out what my true gifts are and what God has for me.  I want to take you all on this journey with me.
                  I can promise that this journey will be painful as I will be totally transparent and real.  I think that to get to your true self you have to be true to yourself.  People it is time to get real. Take this journey with me and see how you can be your best authentic self.  And as your best authentic self, you will be happier, more motivated, and determined to love and cherish you! Trust me the rewards will be worth it.
                  To start I am going to tell you about me so here goes:
                  I’m 45 or I will be on May 5^th (I accept all gifts! J) and ever since I was 5 or 6 years old I wanted to be a wife and mother.  I know very big lofty dream right?!! But that’s what I wanted.  I’ve dreamt of it for 40 years!!! Now that’s a long time.  This year I found out that I would never be able to give birth to a child and so far I have been divorced for 13 years, no prospects in site.  Yes I know sad. But I choose not to look at it that way.  I choose to look at this as a sign to find out exactly why I was put on this earth.  
                  When I first found out the wonderful news.  I cried.  Well more like boo hoo’d uncontrollably.  I asked God why did you put a desire in me so strong to have children and then take the possibility of getting pregnant away?  To be honest I still don’t know why.  God’s ways are not our ways.  But what I do know is that he has a perfect plan for me. So instead of asking God why he did this, I surrendered.  I asked God what are your plans for me?
                  This is where you need to start.  Stop what you are doing.  Get still. Take a deep breath and surrender to the earth, to the spirits, and to the Holy Ghost.  Ask what your purpose is. The key is to listen.  It will not come in a roaring loud voice.  It will be a small knowing, a small sign.  For me, when I know God heard me, on my daily walks I see a red bird (cardinal). That is my sign that I am on the right track.  So my next step is to get through my surgery this week. I will then figure out what to do with the rest of my life.  Where will my identity come from now?  Will I still have the desire and drive to become a wife and mother even though I cannot physically have children?
                  If you are courageous enough, share with me your story so we can take this journey together!